AUSTRALIA **

BAZ LUHRMANN has enormous stones.

To my dying day, I will always love him for making STRICTLY BALLROOM.

After the iconic status deservedly bestowed on 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY and its genius director, STANLEY KUBRICK, anyone who has the magnificent zest to open a film with THE BLUE DANUBE blasting gets my vote for gutsy and ambitious.

Yes, even if it’s retro…

But Baz seems to have travelled far from that time and place. He’s completely immersed in the blisteringly theatrical worlds he creates. There is no mute button. He turns everything up to 11…and it stays there perpetually.

A grand motion picture is skillfully constructed. Scale and tone are a big part of that. But Baz is utterly unaware of subtlety or half measures.

It’s not an epic. IT’S AN EPIC.

I don’t see a lot of documentaries. I like fictionalized scenarios. But when the melodrama is THAT BIG, you aren’t rapturously swept away.

You’re dragged there, kicking and screaming….

AUSTRALIA opens in the late 1930s. Uptight Brit LADY SARAH ASHLEY (NICOLE KIDMAN) strongly suspects that her husband is having an affair. She fears that is the reason why he hasn’t returned home after months on end. She is determined to travel Down Under and confront him.

When she arrives in Oz, she discovers she was wrong. Her spouse had acquired FARAWAY DOWNS, a ranch that he was pouring all of his time and energy into. He has also recently been murdered.

Now that the property is her responsibility, Lady Sarah becomes aware that the ranch is close to bankrupt. The evil local landowner, LESLEY “KING” CARNEY (BRYAN BROWN) and his equally brutish compatriot NEIL FLETCHER (the charismatic DAVID WENHAM) want the place to add to their collection. Fletcher is about to marry Carney’s daughter. All of their scheming is mutually beneficial.

Sarah resolves to fight back. She bonds with NULLAH (BRANDON WALTERS), a little native boy whose family lives at FARAWAY DOWNS. She also seeks help from DROVER (HUGH JACKMAN), an independent minded freelance ranch hand who is not only gifted with animals but possesses endless information about running farms easily and to their best capacity.

She knows that she must have the cattle driven to another area if they are to save the property. Drover is dubious. But they reluctantly join forces along with Nullah and a number of other employees.

That’s only the beginning…

The film is a visual feast. Everything looks gorgeous – from the lead actors to the cinematography to the costumes (designed by Baz’s wife CATHERINE MARTIN) to the incredible ebony steed CAPRICORNIA. The score is also lush and lovely.

That is something. But it’s hardly enough…

Baz can easily create an enticing landscape. But he can’t write to save his own life.

Nicole is a brilliant actor. This has been proven over and over again in motion pictures like DOGVILLE, THE HOURS, TO DIE FOR, THE PORTRAIT OF A LADY and FLIRTING. She has done exemplary work that people will be writing and talking about a hundred years from now.

This is the most uneffective performance I have ever seen her give…in anything. She is shrill to the point of being over the top. Sarah is initially too conservative and rather arrogant in the way that a beautiful rich woman could conceivably be. But it goes too far and comes off as caricature.

I’ve never seen Nicole do any acting of this type before. So I assume that Baz let her take it to the wall.

Hugh fares better. He makes the most of a ridiculously underwritten role and engages your sympathies throughout. He’s packed a good forty pounds of muscle onto his lanky frame as well.

But there is not a single solitary bit of chemistry between Hugh and Nicole. None at all…

Though his voice over narration is extremely annoying (something that is clearly not his fault), BRANDON WALTERS shines throughout. His acting is seamless and very natural. Every frame of his expressive little face is a joy to watch.

It was fabulous to see BRYAN BROWN in a movie again. He makes a great villain, especially in conjunction with DAVID WENHAM – who almost singlehandedly steals the picture right out from under the leads.

It may be a personal preference. But I like my romances somewhat grounded in reality. This picture resembles an odd mixture of THE WIZARD OF OZ, RED RIVER, MARY POPPINS, OUT OF AFRICA and an earthshakingly bad episode of DALLAS.

I adore style in terms of film. Substance is wonderful. Most great movies have elements of both. But this is not a triumph of style over substance.

There is no substance whatsoever.

AUSTRALIA is like the most exquisitely carved jewelry box. When you open it, the deep toned velvet is plush and luxurious. But there’s absolutely nothing inside.

It’s as empty as a closet on moving day….