IF A WOMAN REJECTS YOUR FIRST DOZEN ADVANCES, DON’T SEND HER A PICTURE OF YOUR PENIS


This article is authored by BILL MAHER at THE HUFFINGTON POST

BILL MAHER is a smart, sharp, witty man who speaks his mind eloquently and pulls no punches. He possesses tremendous political savvy and he also does an incredible amount for animal rights organizations like PETA.

I wholeheartedly agree with everything that he’s written in this post.

Thanks, BILL. You are completely awesome.

New Rule: If a woman rejects your first dozen advances, don’t up the ante by sending her a picture of your penis.

Last week, we found out that Vikings quarterback Brett Favre allegedly tried to get with a young woman by sending her MySpace messages, voicemails and notes through a friend…and when none of that worked and it was third and long – though not as long as most of us would have imagined – he decided to throw the Hail Mary and sext her pictures of Little Brett to close the deal.

Brett, I get it: Your dictionary doesn’t include the words quit or retire or married but you’ve got to at least understand punt.

You know the worst part about having sex with Brett Favre? He keeps saying he’s finished and then he comes back to drag it out for another year.

To me, this story isn’t about sports or sex or how necessary caller ID is – it’s about how pathetic and clueless white American males have become.

Because the kind of guy who thinks there are women out there who just – cold – want to see your cock is the same kind of guy who thinks Sarah Palin is swell and tax cuts pay for themselves.

I will explain that connection further, but first let’s just dwell for one more moment on how stupid it is to forget that in 2010 when you text someone a picture of your genitals, you’re not just sending it to that person, but to every person she has in her contacts…and then everyone on the planet who has access to the internet.

Somewhere right now there’s a tribesman in Samoa thinking, “Brett Favre is texting a picture of his dick to a woman? That horseshit never works.”

And he’s right – no woman in the history of humanity has ever wanted to see a picture of a penis.

Go back to the earliest cave paintings. The very first one is of a cock and after that they’re all antelopes and sunrises.

But for some reason men persist. Why?

Because men have always been in charge, especially white men. Brett Favre is like a lot of white males: he’s owned the world for so long, he’s going a little crazy now that he doesn’t. Also, like many white men across the country, he lost his job to a Mexican (i.e. Jets Quarterback Mark Sanchez).

If Brett Favre’s penis could talk, what would it say? Well, other than, “No photos please,” I think it would say, “I’m not a witch. I’m you.”

Because for hundreds of years white penises were America. White penises founded America, they made the rules and they called the shots in the workplace, in the home and at the ballot box.

But now the unthinkable is happening. White penises are becoming the minority: 2010 was the first year in which more minority babies were born in the U.S. than white babies. This is what conservatives are really upset about – that the president is black and the best golfer is black and the Secretary of State is a woman and suddenly this country is way off track and needs some serious restoring.

If penises could cry – and I believe they can – then white penises are crying all over America.

And that’s where this crew comes in: Sarah Palin, Christine O’Donnell, Michele Bachmann – the lovely MILFs of the new right.

And their little secret is that their popularity comes exclusively from white men.

Look at the polling: minorities hate them, women hate them – only white men like them. I’m no psychiatrist, but I do own a couch and my theory is that these women represent something those men miss dearly: the traditional idiot housewife. Writing on your hand is sheer Lucy. If an election between Obama and Sarah Palin were held today and only white men could vote, Sarah Palin would be president.

Did you know that in 1788, when there were four million people in America, only 39,000 of them – the richest white men – got to vote? That doesn’t sound good to you?

Well, what if I threw in a picture of my cock?

Which brings me back to Brett Favre…and I think it’s worth noting that in one of the alleged photos of him, he’s pleasuring himself on a bed while wearing Crocs.

And if you think about it, is there any better metaphor for the sad state of America today than an over the hill white guy lazily masturbating in plastic shoes?

3 Responses to “IF A WOMAN REJECTS YOUR FIRST DOZEN ADVANCES, DON’T SEND HER A PICTURE OF YOUR PENIS”

  1. what i don’t get is there must be plenty of females that would do it with brett and you have to think he’s had sex with more than a few. why go crazy when some females say no???

    let it go…

    and hey how am i supposed to have sex when i hate cell phones? and now my chances have gotten worse.

    thanks brett…

    although i’m all for guys/sports guys sending their penis photos to females especially since a few of these have popped up on deadspin.com.

    yep i’m all for celeb nudity. male or female. ๐Ÿ™‚

    oh but back to the deadspin thing. there was recently a post where a sports guy’s ex girlfriend posted nude cellphone pics because he cheated on her. are you down with that ms. m??? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    maybe sending penis photos is the next best thing to having sex.

    ducking. *ha ha*

    really the penis photos thing is insane. just because she didn’t want to do anything even though he’s a superfamous sports guy/high media profile type with lots of money.

    and someone that maybe could be swayed by a photo of penis/probably wouldn’t be swayed by the sight of the penis of a 39 year old (guess he was 39 when he sent those) but yeah what do i know? go brett!!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    actually sports guys should send their penis photos to me.

    oh well. we needed a scandal with male nudity to balance things out a bit… ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. And their little secret is that their popularity comes exclusively from white men.

    Look at the polling: minorities hate them, women hate them โ€“ only white men like them. Iโ€™m no psychiatrist, but I do own a couch and my theory is that these women represent something those men miss dearly: the traditional idiot housewife.

    come on you don’t miss the good old days???

    *ha ha*

    we have palin and crocs. the times are a changing. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    If an election between Obama and Sarah Palin were held today and only white men could vote, Sarah Palin would be president.

    think there could be an age/generation/income cut off somewhere??? i suspect plenty of younger white guys dislike palin as much as minorities and females.

    but maybe that’s me being insane behind the screen in computer lounging clothes again. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. glim, you’ve made a lot of exceptional points. As always.

    Some of them are fairly provocative. I guess I’ll have to watch my ass.

    But I’ll take a deep breath and get busy…

    I think BILL has a very good understanding of the Palin situation. She was invited to speak in my home town recently and a bunch of conservative right wing movers and shakers showed up to see her.

    It was absolutely disgusting. They quoted a lot of older dudes who were enraptured by her. One referred to her as this little woman. So f’ing condescending you would have thought that it was a time warp and we were back in 1954.

    There was one woman. She talked mainly about Ms. Palin’s children and how she found it was inspiring that she had accomplished so much, considering she was a mother of five and all.

    I guess we’re still in Kansas, Toto. Next…

    Hell no. I emphatically do not miss the good old days. Thank Christ I grew up in the 80s and 90s. If I had been around during another time period, I know I would have savagely laid the law down to anyone who dared to tell me what my life had to conform to or what I had to endure or expect simply because I’m female.

    I’ve talked to older women. I always told them that I didn’t think I could ever flourish under that kind of traditionalist repression.

    I never wanted children. Marriage was something that I was highly ambivalent about. But when you meet the perfect person (the man you’ve been waiting for your entire life…), all of those doubts and negativity that you’ve been harbouring since your hormones caught fire just dissolve.

    That’s exactly what happened this year. Bonds are unbreakable when there’s that much mutual trust and understanding.

    But I was told by these wise women of other generations that I would have found a way to survive regardless. They said that there was always a subset of highly artistic unconventional females that lived outside the mainstream and did whatever the hell they wanted – regardless of the century or the decade.

    I guess that would’ve been me. But I’m still much happier living my life in this century.

    think there could be an age/generation/income cut off somewhere??? i suspect plenty of younger white guys dislike palin as much as minorities and females.

    Actually, that does make a lot of sense, glim. In spite of the fact that older white dudes prefer Ms. Palin by a huge margin, I think that it’s likely that younger men may not have the same affinity for her.

    and hey how am i supposed to have sex when i hate cell phones? and now my chances have gotten worse.

    Ha ha. You shouldn’t be yakking on a cell phone for extended periods of time anyway, my darling boy. There’s this unsubstantiated rumour (keeps cropping up and never really goes away) that they cause brain cancer. I have a strong suspicion that cell phones may not be as safe as they’ve led the general public to believe.

    I barely use mine in any case.

    What a lot of people aren’t aware of (it’s crucial for me to have this information at this point in time…and this is a fact) is that cell phone conversations are anything but private. I’m no tech genius so I don’t even know how it all transpires and shakes out.

    But there is a way that you can pick up those signals and listen in. So other people theoretically can have access to your conversations if you’re talking on a cell.

    The only way to have assured privacy is to converse the old fashioned way – from an actual telephone (in your home or elsewhere) or a phone booth.

    Landlines are the only solution. Unless, of course, you want to judiciously edit everything or speak in some kind of code.

    oh but back to the deadspin thing. there was recently a post where a sports guyโ€™s ex girlfriend posted nude cellphone pics because he cheated on her. are you down with that ms. m???

    I think cheating is a lot of BS. All of these poor stupid people trying to have their cake and ice cream and eat it without dropping it all over the floor.

    I don’t think that that ever works. But there are lots of delusional idiots (both male and female) out there. So I imagine this will never end. Then there are these twits that are scared to leave. Not to mention some of these morons that are narcissistic, selfish and can never get enough attention from one person.

    I think it would be so much better if people would be more honest with themselves and their partners. Do everything you can to save that relationship if it means anything. If you don’t want to be there, leave. Dragging someone else into the middle of a mess is just going to make it …messier.

    But what the hell do I know? Cheating is not something that I’ve ever done or anything I’ve ever had to worry about.

    No, I don’t think that it’s right for that woman to post photos of some dude that did her wrong. I would say precisely the same thing if it were a man. Surely there must be more civilized ways of making an ex sorry for doing something so incredibly retarded. Then you’re just ending up on his level.

    I didn’t set up BILL’S post here because I had anything against Mr. Favre. I wasn’t really aware of who he is.

    The whole point was to send a strong message to someone that needs to hear it. Mission accomplished.

    what i donโ€™t get is there must be plenty of females that would do it with brett and you have to think heโ€™s had sex with more than a few. why go crazy when some females say no???

    let it goโ€ฆ

    Well, glim…

    Sometimes there are these pathetic pitiful greasy mentally unstable uncontrollably horny jackasses that think that all women exist just so they can take advantage of them. They’re so unconnected to the real world that they honestly believe that just because some people know who they are and they’ve made a few millions that that’s going to get them laid.

    It’s bad enough when these walking STD factories want to have endless amounts of meaningless flings or run around on their spouses. But then you have these coldhearted snakes that just want to use and abuse someone for one night and then walk away and start all over again.

    Those losers are having too many psychotic breaks.

    Not gonna happen. I’m not interested. I’m too smart.

    Most importantly, my romantic life is blissful. I’m just a girl in love.

    Some deranged mofos simply want what they can’t have.

    It was done long ago. Get over it.

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