LAYING DOWN THE GAUNTLET

I have some interesting thoughts that I’d like to share regarding a rather notorious tool that is desperate for my…attention.

I went back and forth about this. But the deciding factor has to do with the size of The Prince Of Darkness’ piehole.

I have never met the weaselhead in question…and I never ever will now. For any reason. But I do know definitively that he has been going around telling anyone that would listen that he has selected me as his latest conquest.

Have I ever said that I was an innocent trusting lamb? God, has this jackass ever got his wires crossed.

It would be terribly amusing if it weren’t so sad. By the way, have you seen those actors’ roundtable video interviews that they have every awards season? This year’s was chock full of fascinating stuff.

First of all, I am in a committed relationship (going back to last spring). I don’t lie. I don’t go behind people’s backs. Since my first serious romance at 16, I’ve never been unfaithful to anyone…and I’ve had many opportunities to do so.

It’s just not me. I don’t give a damn if my partners would never be able to find out. I would know…and that’s what really counts.

I’m very happy where I am. My sweetheart and I are in love. We take good care of each other. Loyalty and honour are very important to both of us.

We tell each other everything.

Careers necessitate a lot of time apart. This is the way that it is. But you rise to those challenges if you want to be together.

There is no way in hell that I would ever louse this up. Do you throw away a glorious garden of wildflowers for a flaming bag of f’ing horseshit, even if the wrapping looks nice?

Not unless you’re certifiable.

Here’s the deal. Men have been making fools of themselves over me since I was 14. I heard every line in the world by the time I was 17. When I was 18, I was living with a 26 year old.

Up until I found the love of my life, I did exactly what I wished with whomever I wanted. I own DANGEROUS LIAISONS and I’ve seen it so many times I have every word of dialogue committed to memory.

There’s no winning with me. I’ll always come out on top.

I’m used to holding mofos’ feet to the fire. Frankly, this BS is getting kind of tired. If this hormonally challenged dick had actually met me, I’m willing to bet he would’ve cut his losses and moved on. Once you get the cold emerald stare, you’re done for good.

And now that I know what I know, the odds have officially dropped to zero. Never to return. No matter what transpires.

Forever.

I’m sure that sweeping me off my pedestal would be quite a coup. When I crack, it’s the shot heard round the world. But I’m positive that it would be too much for him. He’d never get over it.

This was a suicide mission from the very beginning. Famous men don’t impress me. Not even actors. Delusional alleged pretty boy actors even less so.

Truth be told, I find the love of my life far more attractive. He’s a sweet caring person that would do anything to make me happy. But over and above that, he’s much more my type on a purely physical level. I dated someone in my early twenties for a year and a half that looks a lot like him. There is no comparison.

Better hope that this lowlife never crosses paths with my darling. It will get drastic very very fast. I just want to be there to see it all go down. Maybe get a camera crew to film it for posterity.

But I guess I’m at the point where I’ll be running into a lot of degenerates. First there was that demented Greek editor in Chicago. Then that redheaded Boston scumbag.

Now this jerkoff.

Y’all can go play in the traffic. Or with each other. I know you want to.

Too bad. Am I a good girl? Not on your life.

But I do know exactly what I’m doing. Maybe I’ll skip the Oscars this year. Or at least change the channel with an intense frequency.

Anyway…

I understand how people got to be the way that they are. But I have no sympathy for anybody that tries to mess with me or anyone that I care about.

So someone can take his predatory motivations and go fly a f’ing kite. What I’ve got is too good to waste.

Our Friday musical highlight is SOLDIER BOY by THE SHIRELLES.

Candy ass? Maybe. But it sums up everything in a particularly crystalline manner.

I’ve said enough. For now.

It’s time for me to exit. Stage left…

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